End of Month News

Nipponsei End of April News

OsisNie has concluded his meeting with a certain #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship official. In an attempt to maintain the secrecy of the meeting OsisNie briefly left his brother in charge of his post, although such efforts proved meaningless as the meeting was in fact so successfully secret that the fact it was a secret itself was a secret. While the exact nature of the discussions are unknown, conspiracy theorists suggest that OsisNie might be trying to buy the support of this certain #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship official for the enactment of the entirely theoretical Plan E, although none are willing to speculate what the cost of fealty might be. They are especially concerned noting that if OsisNie is so daring as to break even the most basic rules of a secret meeting there is no telling what he might do.

Left-hand woman PlusVee has returned after a several day absence. Officially PlusVee's disappearance was explained away as a desire for some carrots although when she returned she had none in her possession. She claimed that all the ones she found were too sweet, although this all too convenient explanation raises questions about what happened to this strong supply of .-carotene and if there was any relation to the purely coincidental timing coinciding with OsisNie's secret secret meeting with a certain #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship official.

twilightNoir has opened a new ménage, containing among other creatures lions (>:3) and dewgongs (<:3) and seals (:3) oh my (>:}3). Visitors are invited to join in the public tours, although twilightNoir has released a public safety message warning that visitors may want to stay close to their cars lest they get eaten by a renegade lion.

Rogue economist Jun-chan has been exiled from minglongland for the crime of heresy and can currently be found in Japan. While officially Jun-chan is there to teach English, rumours abound that Jun-chan is actually there to study the governmental-industrial complex of the second strongest economy in the world. Counter rumours note that the timing of the trip, shortly after OsisNie's secret secret meeting with a certain #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship official, and the location of the trip, Japan, where the missing unofficial official (not to be confused with official unofficial) #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship biographer had apparently traveled too, is all too convenient to have just been a coincidental coincidence.

Hints about CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED's purely hypothetical plan D Iv seemed to have been discovered when CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED revealed a portion of His Clone Army™. Despite the obvious drawbacks of a Clone Army™, their ability to blend into the general population of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship population might make them a force formidable enough to fight against robotic army. While the exact extent of CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED's Clone Army™ can't be determined, the minglong Monthly was able to confirm that the recently spotted ERECTION is CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED's, and furthermore CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED's ERECTION is actually hungWeiLo. However rumours of a relationship between CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED's Clone Army™ and the sightings of the Guest back in February remain unsubstantiated.

Citing the "div precedent", twilightNoir's lawsuit against twilightBlanche for the crime of identity theft has been thrown out of court. The "League for Open Legislative Initiatives" have denounced this decision, claiming that judge, jury, and executioner ^ should have recused herself due to a conflict of interest. On the way out of the courthouse, twilightBlanche said He felt vindicated by the decision and looked forward to a prosperous career in the Army where He might see the world. twilightNoir is currently investigating any remaining options of appeal.

PlusVee's eidetic memory has continued to astound observers, and has recently passed 581 memorable moments. When asked for explanation, she angrily retorted "kawaii nante sonna koto iicha dame desu!" She then, without giving the questioner a chance to apologize, stormed off in a huff.

Despite the instability and shortened trading period caused by the briefly missing PlusVee, markets continued to expand to include over 2639 companies, with the GODM10 index closing up 32% at $119750.54. Topping out the leader board for the second month in a row was oOmg (ticker symbol: OoMG). fishball (ticker symbol: FISHO) had a late market rally, but was unable to bridge the gap and closed in a close second. Consulting company Triggorz warns that while the results seem very positive, there is every reason to worry about inflation in the second or third quarter of this year.

Back to News section
Page generated in 0.0034 seconds.