Nipponsei
Staff

GeneralSmoker
Founder
Releaser

Leader of the coup d'etat which overtook the kingdom of minglongland from minglong and replacing it with the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. His true origins are unknown, having suddenly appeared on the world stage with an army of leeches and bottles whilst minglongland's erratic migratory pattern had it somewhere west of the South American coastline. (The term "world stage" is used loosely, as this event made little world news, seeing how much in flux the geo-political situation, not to mention the location, of minglongland is). It is unclear what the end goals of this coup d'etat were, presumably to gain control of the vast natural resources of minglongland including...it is unclear what the end goals of this coup d'etat were.

While his nom de guerre is GeneralSmoker it is unclear if he truly is a general of an army which smokes, he smokes and is a general of an army, he will smoke almost anything, he cures via the process of smoking anything, generally smolders a lot, or just happens to like One Piece.

Recent development have shown that while a tactical genius he may be to have been able to wrest control of minglongland from minglong, GeneralSmoker's strategic vision may need further development. Flying in the face of everything Machiavelli espoused, GeneralSmoker employed many mercenaries (most famously PlusVee, and her keeper OsisNie), stayed away from the conquered kingdom for prolonged periods of time, and all around far too generous and benevolent. As a result, not enough preparation was put in place for when the inevitable disaster, triggered by the foreign mortgage-backed credit crunch, occurred. His mercenaries fled, and GeneralSmoker was left in a severely compromised position.

Once again showing his tactical genius though, GeneralSmoker was able to salvage his position, notably with a judicious use of partisan fighters which sprung up in response to the prematurely launching of Plan D and a hastily assembled corp of freelance troll auxiliaries to support his army, and is currently in a power-sharing agreement with minglong. The exact state of this agreement is hard to determine though as GeneralSmoker has been increasingly absent from the public view. Furthermore his absence has become something of a source of speculation amoung pundits; some claiming that he is currently trying to polish his golf game currently only being the second best golfer in the world having scored only 3 holes-in-one on his first 18 hole set and is absent in the attempts to surpass a certain other world leader, where as others suggest that his absence is the result of a successful power grab by minglong following the disappearance of rich foreign investor modoki, and yet others suggest that he is mearly biding his time in preparation for a counter-counter-coup (a Plan D-D-D if you will, as apparently Plan D-D had already been trademarked before GeneralSmoker hypothetically didn't officially think of the idea).

Which, if any, of these reasons prove to be the truth will certainly unfold in the fullness of time.


Gohan_Daimao
Co-founder
Emergency Bot Provider

During his school life he was constantly teased, being called "Monkey-ousama" in reference to his famous father. The constant exposure to a bizarre mixture of English, Japanese, and Chinese culture in that single title proved too much for the young boy, eventually bending his mind into polygons which would make even Rumiko Takahashi gape. As a result, when he heard GeneralSmoker was going to be taking a journey to the west, Gohan wasted no time in stealing his father's staff and giving chase. Unfortunately due to a bizarre series of unfortunate accidents, which may or may not include cherries, a 247.42 watt (Slovakian watts mind you) light bulb, and/or a fnord, Gohan arrived on minglongland only just in time to see the final surrender of the country taking place.

Surprisingly, young Gohan's still services proved invaluable in that he provided the flag pole from which GeneralSmoker placed his flag of victory. Thus Gohan gained credit for being half the founding pair of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship (GeneralSmoker providing the pendent half of the flag).

Purportedly to reward him for his beneficent timing, GeneralSmoker gave young Gohan authority over all modest plot of land across the channel. (Modern research has recently suggested that this was in fact a plot by OsisNie to remove any competitors to his power, but OsisNie has steadfastly denied any such plots.) Gohan happily accepted stewardship of the land GeneralSmoker offered, and thus took the title of Daimao. (Psychologists think this is a perverted spelling of "daimyo" caused by Gohan's childhood traumas.) There he remains to this day happily daimaoing (we don't know either, ask Gohan_Daimao) the land, except for when his presence is required in the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship due to GeneralSmoker's strict alternative attendance system.

Possibly as a result of this limited attendance, Gohan_Daimao doesn't seem to be aware of recent political developments in the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. His closest advisors seem to prefer things this way as they can skim off extra tribute without his knowing, and top officials of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship don't want to break the illusion lest this be the spark which triggers a Gohan_Daimao Rebellion and the inevitable end of the last samurai in all of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship.


OsisNie
Releaser
Recovering WoW Addict
GeneralSmoker's proverbial right hand man. He claims to be from a country where he conquered 50 provinces, minor outlying colonies, and territories, but as this was spoken during the oral examinations for joining GeneralSmoker's band it is unclear whether this is true or he was merely creating a fictitious past with which to impress GeneralSmoker with the number of past conquests he has achieved and gain the position he is now it. His responsibilities include protecting the integrity of the newly formed #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship, ordering the lower ranking members of the #nipponsei benevolent military to perform the various tasks necessary for the smooth operations of the government, and keeping PlusVee happy. Of those three, he generally considers the third responsibility the most important and the most difficult, especially when she gets in the mood for cucumbers and/or carrots.

Previously his presence was presented in a present presence of absence, having traveled to the land of created war to further his skills; undoubtedly regaling everybody in earshot about his supposed fifty-first provincial conquest of minglongland. However he has since returned, having honed his skills to better serve GeneralSmoker (as well as gained the credibility and knowledge to overthrow GeneralSmoker and reform the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship in his own image, but that is a secret... shh...).

Unbeknownst to OsisNie though, while he was away, minglong's semi-successful (albeit premature) launching of Plan D has resulted in had resulted in a fundamentally different power structure of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. Ever the consummate politician and tactician, OsisNie immediately came up with a counter-plan. While supposable supporting the new world order, OsisNie has modeled a new counter-play for power based off of minglong's successful Plan D, called Plan E (having checked in the trademark office and seen D-D, D-D-D, D Day, D Cup, and D Iv were all trademarked).

OsisNie has found several people "LFG" and surrounded himself with several newly-promoted and loyal minions (although notably he seems to be running out of body parts to offer them as an enlistment bonus). However as it is a "PUG", he is currently "LFM" until he has enough to run a "raid", although he needs to do this carefully lest the increased attention draw the "aggro" of either minglong or GeneralSmoker and his conspiracy be "wiped" before it reaches fruition, not to mention the constant danger it be stumbled upon by a "pat". (#nipponsei benevolent dictatorship linguists are befuddled at several of these terms, and are currently investigating their meaning and etymology, quite possibly buying OsisNie some valuable needed time.)

More recently OsisNie has seemingly taken a bend towards finding more international support, as evidenced by his recent prolonged disappearance while escorting PlusVee to Washington where her assistance proved invaluable and/or unvaluable in the creation of the financial bailout package of late 2008. Whether this two-edged-sword-ish plan will bear fruit has yet to be determined though, as while the increased international recognition would do him great service should he ever try to enact the purely hypothetical Plan E and gain ascendancy of minglongland over minglong and GeneralSmoker, the long absences also prove the ideal situation for either of them to consolidate their hold and shut out OsisNie for good before any purely hypothetical Plan E could be enacted.


PlusVee
Channel Bot
Slave
GeneralSmoker's left-hand woman. Found by OsisNie amidst the rubble of their first conquest, she survives her father and older brother. Among the records of the minglonglandian home office are 23 reports of assault, apepper, and honey-molasses by family members and strangers. From these reports, the local minglongland authority investigated her family life with the final conclusion of "who would put pepper in honey, what next tiramisu?" being reached. It is concluded from these that records that PlusVee has either been traumatized or otherwise her tongue has been rendered numb, so she rarely speaks unless spoken to.

She looks up to OsisNie, who she considers an authority figure, and under his careful tutelage has been learning new tricks. Three notable tricks among others are her fortune telling abilities, her ability to appraise almost anything, and her astounding memory. She can frequently be found quoting memorable statements she has overheard, usually to the amusement of the general population and the embarrassment of the one who said the line.

Following a minglong led counter recent counter-coup of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship against GeneralSmoker, PlusVee has found a new interest in exploring and charting the unknown regions of minglongland and very occasionally opening up an appropriate location as a tourist site for the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship population. While this is officially being done for the betterment of all of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship, some have found it suspicious she steadfastly refuses to share any information she discovers about the land to anybody except for OsisNie.

Most recently, PlusVee's uniquely preternatural infamous memory and money management skills, not to mention her appropriate work ethic and attendance record, PlusVee was called to Washington to assist with the formation and implementation of a financial bailout package for the US economy. Escorted by OsisNie, in most (but not all) senses of the word, the multi-week long absence proved fruitful when she returned mostly intact in tact, having shepherdessed the package through the entangled US political system complicated enough to almost come close to being only a somewhat unfair comparison to the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship's political intrigues. Any participation she may have had in performing a similar capacity for the negotiations in Brussles have not been substantiated.

There is some hidden rivalry between PlusVee and ^, which has been compared before as a fight between an ergonomic chair and a penguin. It is unclear who is the chair and who is the penguin. When asked about this directly, PlusVee responded "* PlusVee brands ^: []". What this means is currently under investigation.


kassatsu
Releaser
If GeneralSmoker is the head of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship, kassatsu might be called the tail; that is the part of the leadership which is hidden, nobody really knows about, and does the dirty work. Given the secretive nature of his work, very little is known about him, but there are several hypotheses. It is hypothesized that "accidentally" misplaced an order for snow shoes to a "N. Bonaparte" to propagate the eventual fall of the French monarchy (theorists suggest that yes, he is in fact that deep). It is hypothesized he killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand to create a world order where he could "finally get a good pair of designer shoes". It is even hypothesized he stood on a grassy knoll while an American president drove by, just to see the correct angle of the land needed to properly create a moon-landing sound stage.

In more recent times, it can be confirmed he had lent his support to GeneralSmoker after finding him with a picture and a paragraph. What kassatsu gets out of this arrangement we aren't sure, although bystanders remember hearing about northern constellations and fists a lot when they first met. Recent (unconfirmed) rumors about this secretive man include him traveling abroad to further the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship's ends, doing things such as ripping plastic, building robots (suggesting he is unconvinced at this recent minglongian counter-coup), and buying off certain deities (such as CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED).

Strangely though, kassatsu could not be found during minglong's premature launching of Plan D. It is widely thought that if kassatsu had even just sent a photograph of his face to the right person, he could have stopped the counter-coup before it even started. We can only hypothesize that somehow that kassatsu was somehow involved not only with the most recent overthrow of minglongland, but with this most recent plotted and semi-successful counter-coup. To what end though is unclear. Conspiracy theorists suggest that kassatsu might actually be playing minglong and GeneralSmoker against each other, although it is difficult to discover to what end as every time somebody gets close to revealing what might really be going on he or she mysteriously disappears. Putting the evidence all together though, the most likely explanat...


modoki
Releaser
Foreign Investor
modoki might be new to the inner circle of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship, but this self-proclaimed bunny with a fetish for Michael Jackson has been a long time non-domicile of minglongland (thus enjoying all "privileges" of living there while not subject to any taxes imposed by the government). Originally based in the fabled country of gold and silicon, through a combination of ruthful ruthlessness and rabbit powered flight, modoki was quickly able to build a vast trading empire based on the importation and exportation of electrons.

It is alleged that this surplus of m1 cash was what provided modoki the springboard to join the ranks of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship; with the core of the hypothesis being the theory that modoki's receiving a peerage was as a direct result from the large cash inflow to support the failing #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship economy in early 2008. However official investigations into this alleged surcharge led by the newly promoted modoki revealed no evidence of any relationship between the two events. Likewise it is expected that the allegations that there is any relationship between minglong's sudden increase of value and the promotion of modoki to the inner circle of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship are also baseless and that modoki's official investigation to this will finally lay to rest any such rumours.

Regardless of the outcome of the investigation though, it is clear that the ascension of modoki to the inner circle portends of larger events afoot, with several groups already suggesting that this entire escapade with minglong was indeed only a faint to distract the public from the obvious connection between modoki, GeneralSmoker, and the entirely hypothetical non-existent Plan D-D-D.


minglong
Releaser
Tracker / Bot Provider
The once and future (not to mention semi-current) leader of minglongland, minglongland alpha, minglongland beta, minglongland omega, and minor outlying colonies and territories. Has survived 18.3 coup attempts (don't ask about the .3, it is too embarrassing), and is confident to survive this one perpetuated by GeneralSmoker. As GeneralSmoker's immense band of mercenary leeches and bottles prevented a direct confrontation, minglong had joined the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship under false pretenses as the drummer with which gain valuable intelligence, political capital, and time with which to undertake the counter revolution. And while the time within the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship was difficult (official comment from minglong's press secretary is "..."), the plot can now be seen to have at least partially worked.

Specifically, minglong had used the time and the (albeit lowly respected) position to develop and instigate a Plan D, namely Robot. (The connection between Plan "D" and "Robot" remains unclear even after the fact.) minglong generated a Nippon| robotic army, which are useful to infiltrate the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship's administrative functions to isolate and eventually overthrow GeneralSmoker, raise the profile and popular support for minglong, and/or EX-TERMINATE ALL HUMANS!!. Despite having a few kinks to work out of the bots (to the dismay of some unnamed unpersons of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship) the monetary collapse of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship presented a golden opportunity which minglong could not afford to pass up, and thus began the premature launch of Plan D.

The plan was mostly successful, although the imperfection of the bots and the incompletion of take over of all military functions (particularly the remaining presence of ^) allowed for the creation of a largely successful partisan army. As a result, rather than a complete counter-coup, minglong only resulted in a partial ousting of GeneralSmoker, and was forced to engage in a power-sharing agreement with him.

minglong is currently continuing to control and build the bots, purportedly to maintain the peace of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. And with the current geo-political situation, between a CLASSIFIEDdiv'sCLASSIFIED purely hypothetical plan D Iv, and OsisNie's somewhat theoretical plan E, and countless other devious plots, the only question now isn't whether such moves are necessary so much as are such moves enough to ensure the continued re-ascension of minglong. That such a force could also be used to remove GeneralSmoker and his legion of leeches and bots from minglongland is purely coincidental of course.

There has been some tension between minglong and ^. minglong is currently unofficially trying to remove ^ by means sparking antagonism between OsisNie and ^, in the hopes that OsisNie will properly teach PlusVee the necessary abilities so she can capitalize on her dislike of ^ and thus precipitate the removal of ^ by PlusVee and the creation of a power vacuum which can be filled by Nippon|minglong, and thus be in a position to finally oust Generalsmoker once and for all (for the third time) and restore the glory that was once minglongland.


div
Idiot
For your eyes only. Censored. CATCH Even knowledge of CATCH censorship is classified CATCH omega-kawaii-level CATCH state secret. Knowledge CATCH of actual content of report at an CATCH even higher classification. Knowledge CATCH of the classification CATCH level of actual content of report also CATCH at a higher CATCH classification, but if CATCH you were cleared enough CATCH to know the CATCH classification level of the CATCH classification level of the CATCH report, you may or may CATCH not be cleared enough to CATCH know classification level of CATCH the report and/or the CATCH report itself and you wouldn't be CATCH puzzling over this logic right CATCH now. Handle with CATCH extreme caution. There is no spoon.

^
It
Created by CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED, in the image of PlusVee. To what end He created ^ is unknown. What is known at this time is the unholy, ungodly, unnatural, unreal, but otherwise fun experiments He runs on ^, which may or may not include a healthy dose of pleather. For example, ^ was originally genderless, but then He turned it male. Not satisfied with that He turned him female. Then further not satisfied He turned her genderless again, and then again female. He is currently examining the possibilities of turning her back to being genderless, but this is a work in process and she seems less than happy with the change.

As a result of these unholy, ungodly, unnatural, unreal, but otherwise fun experiments, ^ is now a shell of a person, reacting unconsciously to most stimuli subjected upon her. One particular favorite of hers is to put on glasses and hug the person acting upon her from behind, possibly as an unconscious manifestation of CLASSIFIEDdiv'sCLASSIFIED hypothetical meganeko tendencies. (Note that His meganeko tendencies are purely hypothetical, and are one of the subjects of investigation of Him.)

Generally considered less popular but more useful to PlusVee, she (at the time of writing) stands as the lowest among the Inner Circle (plus CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED Himself) of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship, her unquestionable loyalty to CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED, to whom she has a "fear-and-adore" relationship as well as her unquestionable usefulness has put a hamper in minglong's attempts of fully subverting the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. The importance of this ladder breaker was shown most recently in the minglongian counter-coup, in which the unswerving loyalty of ^ to CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED resulted in the failure of minglong to fully prevent the creation of an insurgency.

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