End of Month News
Nipponsei End of February News
Authorities are currently searching for the missing unofficial official (not to be confused with official unofficial) #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship biographer. The biographer was last known to be in the process of updating the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship biographies, and the last known draft has been published. Authorities are very concerned about the disappearance of this "key ally on the war on terror"; and they are asking anybody in the public who knows what occurred to contact kassatsu and let him know their name; approximate height and weight; the make, model, and license plate number of any cars they might drive; where they usually eat dinner (including what they usually eat); and the names and address of all known relatives and friends. When asked why he would want to know all that information about the person contacting him with information about the missing biographer, kassatsu was characteristically evasive.
PlusVee's lack of comment and disappearance last month with regards to the leveraged buyout of !boredom was finally explained when PlusVee revealed her brand new !ns attraction in an attempt to keep tourism local. To compete with the momentum that of the early victories of !boredom, PlusVee has offered points for those who play, and points mean prizes! What do points mean?! Prizes include a free #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship branded highlighter for everybody visiting, and the top 10 most frequent visitors being temporarily immortalized in the !topns list. This incentive seems to have captured the public's imagination, with several people, including a certain a-chan, gaming the system by camping just outside the site. The consulting company "Triggorz" is currently giving 2:1 odds of a new !ew or !we attraction to be built in the next 3 months.
Taking advantage of the new state sponsorship, modoki has introduced a new concept to the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship schedule of "modoki time". Activities include the "Two Minutes' Hate", as well as the display of adoration to an image of some sort. The image most frequently displayed is a visage of Michael Jackson, raising the question to many what is the source of this strange fascination between modoki and the celebrity singer. Reviews from the general population have been mixed with some embracing the concept while others have had reported cases of disappearing eyes and evidence of self-induced claw markings.
Sugiura_Midori-sama, representative of the N.G.O. "International Regulatory and Controlling Operators Police Squad," has called for the closure of the !boredom group. Purportedly this was due to the confusion of directions of how to reach !boredom, with several #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship locals accidentally taking the K-line and disappearing for the 72 hours before #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship officials could locate them. The pressure and increased attention from this action have resulted in the railroad servicing !boredom going underground and no longer being visible to the casual observer. PlusVee's new !ns attraction thus far has not attracted the same international scrutiny, although experts at the consulting company "Triggorz" are suggesting it is only a matter of time before her new attraction suffers the same fate.
Weeks after the recently successful counter-coup by minglong, it was decided to not change the name of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship in an attempt to minimize confusion and possible backlash against the new old regime. Flare-ups of insurgency, counter-insurgency, counter-counter-insurgency, counter-counter-counter-insurgency, and counter-counting have been reported throughout the realm. The decision to not re-brand seems to have been largely successful, as the majority of #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship locals when asked were completely unaware of the management shakeup. We are not at war with Eurasia; we have never been at war with Eurasia.
A recent explosion outside of GeneralSmoker City has severed a vital pipe inside of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. No causalities have been reported as a result of this explosion, although the severed pipe prevented the flow of information from certain regions of minglongland to other regions of minglongland. The source of the explosion is currently under investigation, although the official preliminary estimates suggest that it was a result of geological instability due to the erratic migratory patterns of minglongland. When confronted in a recent press conference by reporters about the theories published online that this story is merely a governmental cover-up of something much larger, minglong gestured vaguely to the left and stated "you can now donate to NPS online. Just a few clicks and you don't have to worry about it. The NPS donation: easier to pay, harder to avoid." The ensuing confusion among reporters was enough to allow minglong to disappear once again to the darkness of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship.
Locals have been frightened by the sudden and unexpected appearance of a Guest. Little is known about this character, although reports suggest that he tends to appear at a whim, suddenly grant clemency to those that ^ has smitten (as contrasted by those smitten by ^), and somehow manipulate ^'s memory to forget the entire ordeal. Officials have dismissed these reports as the fantastical imaginations due to the endemic stress resulting from the recent counter-coup and subsequent insurgency, counter-insurgency, counter-counter-insurgency, counter-counter-counter-insurgency, and counter-counting; and regardless there is no way a Guest could have penetrated the tight immigration checks held throughout all of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship without inside help.
Taking advantage of the new status bequeathed by the position of unofficial left cheek, Kanbei has begun a single-handed campaign against onomatopoeia. Nobody in the inner circle of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship could be reached for official comment, although off-the-record several officials are quoted as saying (in no particular order): "Uguu..." ":3" "Gao." "Nyo~" "Mukyuu!" "<3" "Hawawawaa~" and "He's already lost on the seal faces, let Kanbei try to have his fun." Early results have shown limited results from Kanbei's campaign and widespread grassroots resistance to Kanbei's efforts. The non-partisan (not to mention non-partisan) think tank "League for Open Legislative Initiatives" has published a white paper critical of this new policy initiative, and there has been talk of circulating a "Petition for the Elevation of Dramatic Onomatopoeia" to counter this unpopular campaign.
An unexpected and unanticipated side effect of the new connection to nIghtorius has arranged to !boredom has been a modest amount of counter-tourism into the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. Notably a clan of !dango have been sighted walking around the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. Locals are warned to not be surprised if some are heard singing !lyricme and are cautioned to look but not touch as they may have not had all their proper jabs. Sporadic reports of people falling ill throughout the #nipponsei benevolence dictatorship have been reported, including the tragic case of a certain ^g-san, who fell ill and was put in quarantine for 72 hours.
A recent campaign championed by modoki has erupted with the intent to get tazmanian elected as president of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. Using the slogan "taz for prez", campaign promises, such as researching and developing a system which will slow or even halt the aging of women, have garnered wide popular support. When asked for official comment, PlusVee commented "any such attempt is doomed to failure, as is any attempt to alter the foretold !dod ." minglong has also spoken off the record suggesting that the idea might be feasible except for two things: the subjects of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship aren't naive enough to be swayed by the influx of campaign contributions from foreign sovereign wealth funds, and as it is the #nipponsei benevolent *dictatorship* there is no president and elections are a moot point anyway.
There has been a dramatic increase in the price of apples due to a sudden increase in demand. Economists are baffled to the source of this up-tick as a survey of meals suggests that actual consumption of apples have not substantially increased in the past three months. Government regulators fear this might be an attempt for an individual or group trying to corner the market. The #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship has put forward a plan to deal with this shortfall by offering seven apples to anybody who in turn is willing to plant seven seeds. However officials were quick to point out that individuals should still practice rationing, as the plan may take several years to bear fruit.
The #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship celebrated its first unofficial loliday, celebrating the statement of over 9000 lines which were inductive of causing a person to want to (although not necessarily actually) "lol". Planned speeches, dancing and singing cultural events by a local school, immortalization within the official records kept by PlusVee, and ticker-tape parade were all forced to be canceled due to the instability caused by the anti-minglongian insurgency, counter-insurgency, counter-counter-insurgency, counter-counter-counter-insurgency, and counter-counting, with officials not being able to guarantee public safety if the expected dozens of people attended. The celebrations were instead cut short with the highlight being OsisNie instead eating a hamburger (with an extra-large tomato) on CCTV in a toast to the monumental day. Plans are already underway for the next celebration, with suppliers currently searching for a source of medium-large lettuce.
PlusVee has surpassed herself, having catalogued 450 memorable moments of modern #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship history. When asked about this achievement, OsisNie stated he wasn't sure if he should celebrate or cry.
Markets rebounded following last month's credit crisis, with approximately 1741 total listed shares. The GODM10 index closed up, totaling $62991.39. mickal555 (ticket symbol: mckl5) led the charge, topping out at 6645.67 just before the closing bell.Back to News section