Nipponsei End of July News

The star of foreign investor modoki's power and influence has continued to rise as evidenced by modoki's recent promotion to the inner circle within the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. In a coup d'etat worthy of the great GeneralSmoker himself, modoki has leapt past no less than 25 senior minor officials and now ranks 7.28 (rounding down) in the power structure of the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. When asked how this was accomplished, modoki's only reply was "I provide." At the time of reporting, it is still unclear what modoki provides, how often it is provided, if modoki charges by the minute, and if modoki offers group discounts. Conspicuously absent was any reference to the entirely hypothetical plan D-D-D, although pundits note that with this promotion GeneralSmoker has conveniently considerably consolidated his power base.

After several months in heretical exile, rogue economist Jun-chan has taken advantage of the recent passing of minglongland through the Straits of Japan to return to the fold in the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship. While officially having no comment on the long absence and the new power structure now in place since the exile occurred, inside sources have leaked that Jun-chan has reported to a certain #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship official that the mission was a failure, allegedly causing this certain #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship official to throw down his apron and feather duster in bewilderment as to how else could modoki now appear in the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship roster.

Reports of sporadic reporting of a new #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship minor bureaucrat to local officials has been reported to the reporters of the minglong Monthly. After in depth investigation, it has been confirmed that this so called Jenag has frequently been spotted sporting an official #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship stigma, although at this time it is unclear why Jenag has been so branded. None of the higher officials within the #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship were available for comment, and as such it remains an open question of whether this is a one-off event or if there is a deeper plot slowly being unfolded by a certain #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship official.

^ has returned from her (actually futanari at the time of writing as a result of another of CLASSIFIEDdivCLASSIFIED's unholy, ungodly, unnatural, unreal, but otherwise fun experiments) disappearance over the weekend of July 4. The cause of this absence was unclear, and the mystery of the cause of the disappearance and if it bears any relationship to her rival PlusVee was further deepened when they both disappeared for several days later in the month. When asked for comment, PlusVee simply gave the standard explanation of "looking for some carrots, preferably extra wide", whereas ^ muttered something about apples and pie.

The #nipponsei benevolent dictatorship celebrated its second unofficial loliday, celebrating the statement of over 20000 lines which were inductive of causing a person to want to (although not necessarily actually) "lol". Celebrations were again cut short as OsisNie was not able to locate a medium-large lettuce in time launch the ceremonies. Despite this though, attendance has surpassed even the first unofficial loliday's, with slightly over zero celebrants estimated to have attended. Suppliers continue to search for a medium-large lettuce in preparation for the next celebration, swearing to OsisNie that one will be found in time for the next celebration.

In a stunning rally, minglong (ticker symbol: MINGLONG) has vaulted from literally nothing into the number one place in the market with a staggering value of $999999.99. The source of this sudden increase of funding is unclear, and minglong has withheld comment as to the sudden source of fortune. The only news approaching the scale of this remarkable story is that almost simultaneously rich international investor suffered a significant decrease in estimated value. modoki has likewise withheld comment as to the sudden source of misfortune. Fueled by this remarkable new entrant to the market, as well as the nominal increases of aubz (ticker symbol: ABZ) closing at $10116.69 and absinthe (ticker symbol: ABSNTH) closing at $9839.04, the GODM10 index closed at $1079873.18, representing a %1844.36 increase from the past month, and now contains 1693 companies. Consulting company Triggorz says that the current situation is entirely unprecedented, and is withholding commentary while the situation is undergoing analysis.

PlusVee's transnormal abilities of memorization have continued to amaze all as, despite disappearing several times on supposed carrot scavenges, she has now memorized over 718 quotes. When asked to explain these abilities, PlusVee's only comment was "they're dancing in the shadows like whispers of love; just dreaming of a place where they're free as Dove." In the ensuing debate about trademark and fair use, PlusVee was able to make good her disappearance and avoid explaining who "they" were.